It’s not difficult to find couples who, after a period of marriage, tell you that theirs is boring. It’s like sharing an apartment, without any motivation or expectation of change for the better.

Indeed, that’s true. Routine, boredom, is a listlessness that creeps into the heart little by little. One loses the hopes that led one to share life with that person.

The hermits of 2,000 years ago called it the midday sun in the desert.

This doesn’t only occur in human love; it also occurs at work, where the famous burnout appears, and in spiritual life, where it is called lukewarmness or apathy.

It occurs in all those loves that can be lost if we don’t nurture them. These loves, as we know, are, in essence, love of God, love of one’s partner, and love of work.

Love for God is replaced by some other, less demanding belief, which alleviates the human person’s need to believe. These can be fortune-tellers, horoscope readers, etc.

Love for one’s partner is replaced by another person, and thus one rebuilds one’s life. Which is self-deception.

Life must be rebuilt every day with the person one is with.

And love for work is often replaced by meeting minimum standards and thus avoiding the possibility of being sanctioned or expelled from the company where one works.

Avoiding this situation, or correcting it if it has already occurred, means beginning to love again, starting with small acts of love, thinking of others, more gentleness, and small, pleasant things. All of this will help the relationship gain some strength, especially if done over time, with patience, without rushing, but also without pausing.

It’s a crisis, but this word shouldn’t scare us. It means that we’ve reached a point where our love must be deeper than it was. What we had no longer serves us. We have to delve deeper into love. If it’s not caught in time, we can reach the boredom we’ve been talking about. But we have to know that boredom, at its core, is not wanting, not loving. When you make an effort to love, you’re already loving. Even if you don’t realize it.

We must try to remedy it when we suspect we’re in this situation. Getting out isn’t easy, but if one, or better yet, both, try, it’s possible. It’s a matter of wanting and putting in the necessary resources.

The trap is that in this situation, even though it may seem unbelievable, a certain comfort can be found. It can create a feeling of being a victim, which ultimately has a certain reward, given the admiration or pity we perceive in others for us, and that reward is enough to keep moving forward without doing anything to improve.

My experience over many years is that, sooner or later, those who believe themselves victims fail and cause others to fail.

Let’s not forget that when you want to love, you’re already loving. Wanting to love is already loving.