The Catechism of the Catholic Church states that  “The desire for God is written in the human heart, because man was created by God and for God; and God never ceases to draw man to himself” (CCC 27).  And if, as the Evangelist John says, God is love, then we come from love and are directed toward love.

In this way, our identity lies in being lovers, so we will only be truly happy when we fully fulfill that identity of love. Viktor Frankl already expressed it in his book Man’s Search for Meaning: “Love is the ultimate and highest goal to which man can aspire… the salvation of man is only possible in love and through love.” And Von Hildebrand, in turn, considered that “The greatest failure in life is not to suffer… but not to love.”

I would add that worse than that is suffering in a relationship in which we are supposed to love each other… What does it mean to be lovers in a relationship?

Many couples live their relationships automatically, “putting up with it,” as some say. If love is the greatest thing a person can aspire to, it makes no sense for love to be identified with putting up with it, with having to be there because the cost (material, spiritual, emotional, social, physical) of separation is higher than the cost of putting up with it.

Being Lovers as Husbands

Being lovers within marriage has a unique beauty and responsibility. Marriage is not simply a cohabitation or a social decision: it is born from a free and conscious love between two people who, in a process of growth and maturation, decide to give themselves completely to each other, without reservation, forever.

When we say  “give it ALL“, we don’t mean it figuratively or as a poetic device. It’s a concrete and total truth: it implies giving one’s body, one’s life, one’s soul, one’s emotions, and even one’s fertility. It is precisely in this radical surrender that conjugal love reveals its greatness. Marital sexuality is not just a language of pleasure or affection; it is the total language of love, integrating the unity of the person, the desire for communion, and openness to the gift of life.

And what distinguishes marriage from any other interpersonal relationship is precisely this total sexual devotion, which has a twofold, inseparable purpose: love, which is the intimate and profound union of the spouses, and the fruits of that love, that is, fertility. But this fertility is not limited to the biological capacity to procreate. The true fertility of conjugal love is much broader and richer: it is the capacity to generate life and bear the fruits of love in all its forms. It is the capacity to engender common projects, to sustain one another in pain, to give hope to the world, to love beyond exhaustion, to educate, to heal wounds… to create something new that did not exist before the encounter.

Therefore,  there can be no healthy marital sexuality without fruitful love. Even when there are no children, even in the case of involuntary biological infertility, total self-giving continues to bear fruit. Because  when two people truly love each other, something in the world changes : a home is built, a community is strengthened, the history of others is enriched… God’s love is reflected in the world.

For this fruitfulness to become a reality, a deep connection with one’s own fertility is required, especially for women.  Understanding, accepting, and embracing fertility not as a problem, but as a gift , allows us to live sexuality with freedom, awareness, and openness. Fertility is much more than a biological function: it is a way of participating in God’s creative love.

What heals, what transforms, what truly fertilises, are choosing love again every day. Being married is a calling, and being lovers within marriage is a daily choice, a vocation to love fully, freely, faithfully, and fruitfully. And from there, build a life that has the flavour of eternity.